When being organized doesn't help

My father died. He never came home after his last fall and trip to the hospital. 

I think he knew he was dying. I think I knew too. He'd been failing for months and when he collapsed in November we knew that he could not stay at home. His dementia persona didn't realize he was old, you see, and so when the memory faded with the light Dad would try to walk. Sun downers is real, but sun uppers is also a dangerous time. 

We were trying to find him a placement in a skilled nursing facility (note to anyone who reads this, assisted living facilities might not take Medicare payments, so if you see your loved one heading down the path of needing that financial assistance, pick a facility wisely when you can) but every week in the hospital his application changed and it was the holidays and a lot of information was needed and well, I never actually finished any of the applications we started. 

But now, in the aftermath of his death, with an estate that should be easy to process, I am stuck in limbo. Waiting to be named executor. Waiting to file taxes. Waiting for my brother to make phone calls for the accounts that had a clear beneficiary path. 

Spousal inheritance is easy. Apparently. When Mom died, everything went to Dad and we only had a few forms to fill out. But inheriting from another generation is a bit of a headache. 

Dad already lived with us, we'd sold his house years ago and we got rid of his car when he got confused one day coming home. He and I spent time merging as much as we could when he was starting to get confused and to limit scam artists. 

So, I thought we were prepared. Not to put him into a nursing home, but to manage his money with him and do what he wanted with it. I am now wondering how people do this when their loved ones die unexpectedly and you're an emotional wreck. 

Plus, the letters that the estate gets. "Hello, please call us about your death."  That's a real letter from Social Security. We got two of them. (the bold is my emphasis, but still). 

Death is big business. A lot of people make money when someone dies. I want my kids to get my money so I'm hoping to learn from this experience and do better for them someday. I'm learning about accounts like beneficiary IRAs that seem designed to limit generational wealth. I'm learning that naming beneficiaries might not be enough. 

Being organized is no match for bureaucracy.